Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season!

I've had a wonderful December so far. My BFF is in town for two weeks all the way from Maryland, and she asked me to "train" her while she is here. I told her to get ready to bring it, because I do not mess around! So, I've been kicking her ass, and its been so fun. Muhahaha!

For Christmas, my sister blew me out of the water by buying me a friggin' Wii!!!! She also bought me Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2010, and I've been having fun "playing" with it. I've done the running portion a few times now, and to be truthful, I haven't really ran since my 5k in November. So, my legs think they're dying and I've been in pain for a few days, ha. But, it is a good pain, and I need to get back to running so I don't loose my endurance I've built up! So, yay for Wii consoles!

Speaking of running...I've found a running partner! We haven't actually ran together yet, seeing as I've just met him on Christmas Eve, but we're both runners without running partners, so as soon as the weather cooperates and stops being so rainy & disgusting...we shall be running. He is an awesome dude, who has an awesome sister that I know, so it'll be fun actually having someone hitting the pavement next to me for a change!

Alright kids, I am out. Hope everyone has a great NYE! Don't get into too much trouble!

Blog y'all next year!

Easily excitable.

This is a good week.

I started p90x. It makes me feel amazing.

My best friend who lives in Maryland (yeah, that's a whole 3,000+ miles away from me!) is home for Christmas for the next two weeks. We're being reunited tonight. I haven't seen her since LAST Christmas, and I am so f'n stoked she's here!

Yesterday, JILLIAN MICHAELS TWEETED ME. I shouldn't be as excited about that as I am, but, um, HELLO?! Its my woman!

Someone at work had pre-ordered her new book, and without even asking me, put my name on the wait list. I had tweeted something along the lines of, "HAHA, my co-workers know me too well; someone pre-ordered @jillianmichaels new book and automatically put me on the waitlist! :)"

I didn't think anything of it. I'm sure hundred of my tweets have mentioned Jill before. But, I few hours later my phone notified me that someone had replied to me on Twitter. I check to see who/what it was and I'm pretty sure my eyes got a little wide when I saw THIS!



Now, usually she only replies to people when they ask a question. Maybe she just thought she'd inform me I'd be waiting a long ass time for the book, hahaha. (Which, I am aware of, because she's apparently doing a book signing in Los Angeles when it comes out and I had already decided I was going!)

Ugh. I love her. She made my day. As geeky as that sounds. :p

Frustrated.

The scale and I have been had an on again/off again relationship for a long time.

For years, he taunted and made fun of me. He made me cry. Sometimes, he made me the happiest girl alive. Finally, I thought to myself: do you really need this jerk in your life?

So for about 8 months, I was strong and didn't even flirt with the scale. Then, I caved, missed Mr. Scale, and took him back.

This past month has been another battle. Up and down, up and down, up and down the numbers have gone. AND THE NUMBERS SHOULDN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE! I am at almost my lowest weight that I've ever been at in my adult life, and I should just be proud of myself. But no, I subject myself to feeling like a "failure" every week by weighing myself.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

I know the reasons for this too. I've been lacking severely bad at drinking water lately. I've been a coffee addict. This, my friends, is no good at ALL.

Second, I've been gaining a ton of muscle. I can feel it in my arms and legs. I can see the definition changing every week. Muscle weighs more than fat. So, of course the scale is going to show a larger number! Duh.

But, despite knowing what I need to do, I don't. Sigh. I think I need to break up with the scale again. He's no good to me.

How do you really EVER get over being an overweight child? Is this going to haunt me for the rest of my life? Can't I ever be HAPPY with myself?

This has currently been kicking my ass:



Or, to be precise, should I say its been currently kicking my ABS?

I first became acquainted with this workout on the Jillian Michaels Ultimate Wellness Cruise. I took this class with Maddie Karlsson (who is also in the DVD!) onboard, which was an experience in itself. One: I had never done any sort of group classes before the cruise and Two: I apparently have really great form during some moves, and extremely poor form during others! But, I gladly accepted Maddie coming and moving my arm, leg, feet, whatever! was wrongly placed during the workout, rather then stumble and hurt myself doing something incorrectly.

Anyway, back to the review! I pre-ordered the DVD well before it was released, and then stalked the shit out of UPS' website once I received the email that it had shipped. Finally, a half-week later, I found it in my mailbox, which improved my mood on a rainy Saturday.

I haven't been able to sit down without making a noise since that Saturday. My abs BURN. They are sore. My entire core hurts.

I. LOVE. IT.

Now, am I really expecting to walk away with a six-pack after 6 weeks? Of course not. Am I hoping it gives me a little definition, and by little, I don't care how little it is, as long as I see SOMETHING? Yes.

Jillian has me doing some ab exercises I never knew existed. And, may I just state how much I loathe burpees?! Ugh. Loathe. It starts with a warm-up, and has intervals of different ab moves for 15 or so minutes, and then you repeat them all over again from the top, with more intensity. Which, by that point, my breathing sounds like I'm a fat kid with asthma trying to run around the block after a stray dog. Truth. I'm breathing, and grunting, and sweating all over the place! Surprisngly, I haven't cursed at Jillian yet though... With the cooldown, and stretch, it lasts about 35 minutes total.


Overall, I'm pretty pleases and am in L-O-V-E with this DVD. Jillian is looking smokin' hot in it, as well, might I add! ;)

Now. Lets see if I can survive Level One for the next few weeks, and see how much I still enjoy it after Level Two. I'll admit it: I'm scared.

10.6 miles.

Hmmm.

Somewhere in this crazy big-curly-haired head of mine, I've gotten the idea that on May 1st, I can run a 10.6 mile marathon. I don't even think its an idea, either. I think its seriously do-able.

My neighbor/co-worker did it last year, and today at work she told me she just signed up for the 2011 one. I'm totally tempted to do it. I am more then tempted. I am most likely going to sign up for it if its not sold out when I get my paycheck on the 10th.

Am I crazy? Who in their right mind would willingly WANT to run 10.6 miles?!

*Raises hand*

Oh. Me.

Running is a mental sport, and we are all INSANE.

Edit: FAIL. I just realized I'll be on a cruise (and in the middle of the ocean) on May 1st. Guess I'm back to my original goal of a half marathon in November 2011! 13.2, I'll be coming for you. Holla, craziness.

A New Inspiration!

I have something to keep me motivated to for at LEAST the next year!

THIS:


One of my best childhood friends is getting married in October '11, and last night she sent me the link to the dress. Luckily I love it, and its cheap, ha! ;)

One of my other friends is getting married that month as well, so I guess I'm gonna be busting my ass off for the next 11 months or so to make sure I look good for my friends!

I'm excited. I have to head up to Milpitas to try on the dress/order my size/color in the next few weeks and I'm looking forward to it. I've been TO weddings before, but never been IN a wedding. Looking forward to getting glamed up and smokin' hot! :D

WOOT!

Run Forrest Run 5k Experience!

the training.

the anticipation.

the excitement.

the nerves.

I'm pretty sure i experienced all of these thoughts and emotions running through my head in the hour leading up to the race on that Saturday. did i train long enough? this wait is KILLING me! oh my gosh, there's so many runners around me, i love this feeling. uh...am i going to trip and fall or pass out?

i started my running adventure at the end of august/beginning of September, using the Couch to 5k program. the first week was HARD. i could barely run a full MINUTE, let alone 3 miles! and now, here it was a mere 13 weeks later, running a 5k.

and ok, ok. i know 3 miles isn't far. but for me, it is a milestone.

i initially was going to run with my friend Babs, but she hurt her knee a few weeks ago and hasn't ran since, fearing she'd make it worse. for awhile i thought about not doing the 5k. after getting off the jillian cruise, i have been super motivated and working out regularly (and loosing 7 pounds in the process. WHAT?! where'd the fat fall off from? haha...) so the Friday before the race i went down to the convention center where the health and fitness expo was being held and signed up for late registration.

5 minutes, $30, a shirt & bib later...I WAS REGISTERED. I went and walked the course to become familiar with it, grinned ear to ear, and then went home and did a happy dance. (literally. i danced around my studio.)

Saturday i woke up quite early. I stretched, ate a banana & some peanut butter, drank some powerade. I wanted to make sure i was set to go! Headed down around 8am, and watched the end of the kids’ 3k. Dude, those kids run FAST!

Finally, they corralled us 5k-ers into the street, and with a countdown of “10, 9, 8...RUN FORREST RUN!” we were off!

Stupidly, I did not check to see if my laces were tied tightly, so before I even hit the 1 mile mark I had to stop to tie my left shoe. Seriously?! I picked up my speed to catch up on some lost time, and ran my way through the next mile or so where...MY DAMN RIGHT SHOELACE CAME UNDONE. UGGHHH!

I made it through the 3 miles though, and when I turned the corner and saw the finish line i couldn't believe it was over.

31:05 was my time. I’m happy with it. It could use much improvement, but hey! Its my first and the only goal i had was to finish, and that i did!

Afterwards, I met the wonderful Cindy Lou! We were both on the Jillian Cruise, but hadn’t met in person. She found me on Facebook, and I spotted her afterwards and we chatted and gushed for a half hour. We have a lot in common and I’m glad we met! HI CL!! :D

So now I am hooked and want to do more. I actually made a goal to run the HALF marathon next November. it sounds crazy, but I think I could do it.

Less than 24 hours from now...

Its here, its here, its here!

My first 5k (aka first race EVER) is tomorrow! Wish me luck!

She's basically become my greatest inspiration in the world, right now. More cruise photos soon! :D

Letting go. Thank you, Jillian Michaels.

its 9am, on saturday morning, october 23, 2010. i'm laying on my back, palms up towards the sky, on the lido deck onboard the norweign star. we are docked in nassau, bahamas. jillian michaels has just worked us out to what feels like near death. i am bawling my eyes out.

i hadn't realized until that moment that i was holding in such suppressed negative emotions for years. when i was younger, i was overweight. i was always the fattest kid in class. i came in last place in everything. i got picked last for sports. i was the butt of everyone's jokes. i got teased relentlessly. i kept this mostly to myself.

i was extremely shy as a child, and i think this may have been the fact that i had no self confidence in myself. if hardly anyone liked me, why should i like myself?

as i got older, and wiser, i figured it was time to take charge and change this. one summer in high school i went on weight watchers and came back the following year with a hell of a better attitude about life. i felt so much healthier, and proud, and that was the beginning of a new and better me.

even though i looked and felt different, deep down i was still holding onto those emotions, whether i realized it or not.

laying on the lido deck, taking deep breaths.

jillian is talking. "be proud of yourself. this is your moment. we have 10,000 thoughts run through our heads everyday, and 80% of them is the same bullshit over and over again. you are safe in this moment. you are here with friends and family. this is your time. let go of all the negativity. if someone has an issue with you, that's THEIR shit, their problem, not yours. for all the times someone has told you you can't, know that you CAN."

in this moment, with the tropic sun hitting my face, sweat dripping on every inch of my body, i let it go. with each tear that streamed down my face, i let go of every negative thought i ever had about myself. with every breath i took, i got stronger, and breathed in positive energy. i made a promise to myself that i would never think badly of myself again. if i ever thought poorly of myself, i will think of all the great things i HAVE done, CAN do, and WILL do with my life. and hey, jillian said it best, "just think, if i got through that crazy bitch's workout, i can do ANYTHING."

i can't even explain what these 4 days onboard did to me. i came home the most sore i've ever experience (and let me tell you, it was painful) but as my muscles healed, so did my soul.

thank you, jillian. THANK YOU. i know that this was all inside me, but you just helped the sun break through from the clouds that has been hiding behind all this time.

Run Forrest Run.

I'm currently in the middle of training for my ver first 5k.

Holy crap. Did I really just type that sentence?

I am beyond proud of myself.

November 13. I'm coming for you, baby.

Slackin' at its best.

Ah, June. I don't know why, but you have made a slacker out of me.

Maybe because this is my birthday month (I turned 25 on the 6th) but I have been doing a whole lot of NOT working out, and eating not so clean. I've stayed in my calorie limit every day this month (minus 3 nights of huge, disgusting BINGING. Ugh.) buts its been snacking, more so than healthy meals.

I can tell that my 2.5 weeks of slacking has had its effect on me, too. I'm getting jiggly in areas I wasn't so jiggly. My little guns are getting less gun-ish.

I promised myself that tomorrow is the start of a new week, and I will get back on the saddle and kick my own ass. I HAVE to. I just need to be...remotivated. *Sigh* Sometimes all of this is overwhelming to me, and so, so, hard.

Damn you, June.

Not so Super Woman.

In my p90 adventure, my 5 lb weights have become ridiculously easy to lift. Alright, I think. I’m ready to move up in lbs, then.

So, here I am, thinking I’m Super Woman. I buy 8 lbs weights from Target. Last night was my “Sculpt” day. Uh…why did I only use the 8lb weights during 3 exercises? Yeah. Attempting to lift those babies over my head was definitely not as easy as I thought it was going to be. (Basically, it was almost impossible.) But, I’m bummed, because I feel like 5 isn’t giving me enough challenge, and I can’t lift 8! Boo! I haven’t seen 6 or 7 lb weights…do those exist anywhere? C’mon puny arms, lift heavy!

I also have been thinking about getting a kettle ball. I’ve seen them being used on The Biggest Loser, but I’m not quite sure how to work them into my own workouts. Do I just swing them around? Haha…I haven’t really looked into what they can be used for, but I’m odd and just think they look fun. Just SAYING “kettle ball” is fun. Knowing my clumsy self, I’d probably throw it right through my studio window or something.

I had an odd day yesterday. I was just a bottomless pit. Every meal I had didn’t seem to fulfill me. It was one of those days where I had to go over my calorie intake, just to keep myself fueled. I mean, I ate really healthy, so caloric wise who cares, but UGH. Does anyone else have those days? I did make a mean stir-fry last night though. Tofu, broccoli, mango and pineapple, covered in Trader Joe’s red Curry sauce. Oh heaven on a plate!

Meh. I’ve been at work for an hour now, and have been unproductive this entire time. Slowly letting the caffeine circulate to my brain… Guess I’ll go check some patron’s books out or something…ha.

Have your cake, and eat it too?

Holy lack of blogging an actual update, Batman!

Not having internet is really lame. The only place I have access to it, rather than my cell phone is work. And, well, I should be WORKING while at work, so I don't have time to update…except, I’m finding myself writing this update at work, so hmmm. There goes that theory!

So, heres what I wanted to update about this time:

I’m still doing p90. Almost at day 60, and I’m finally seeing results. This may be because I totally, TOTALLY fucked myself over and lost all self control and ate/splurged/binged big time on my cruise last month. Ugh. It still makes me sick thinking about it, even though I’ve worked off most of the weight I put on. I hate to even think about it. Its like, did I really work my ass off for 6 months just to seriously gain half of it back? Yeah, HALF. When I got home my scale said 132. 132! I was down to 123! How in the hell did I let myself DO that? Disgusting. Thankfully, the scale has been flirting with the 125 mark, so I’m almost there. I will be back to 123. I am determined. (Hey, I gotta look good for Jillian in October, right?! ;)

So, what happened to my view about "cheat days" that I talked about in a previous post? Hell, cheat days are great. yeah. But a cheat WEEK? A I-lost-track-of-how-many-pieces-of-cake-I-ate week? No bueno.

I take this as a learning experience. I know I can have my cake, yes, but I can't have an ENTIRE cake and expect the scale to stay down. I've even become less strict with myself since I've gotten back, and don't count calories as closely as I did before. I eat healthy, and the weight is coming off. I'm finding a healthy balance. It feels good.

Is it October, yet?

GUESS WHERE I'M GOING IN OCTOBER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Five words:
JILLIAN. MICHAELS. ULTIMATE. WELLNESS. CRUISE.


That's right, bloggity blog world. My girl crush. My fitness role model. My weight loss inspiration. AND I get to take a photo with her onboard. Oh, and did I mention that I also get to go to Great Stirrup Cay & Nassau, in The Bahamas? SCORE.

*squeeeel*

Oh, and yes. I am aware this will be my third cruise in 2010. Ha. Ooops?

AHHHHHHHHHH.

www.jillianmichaels.com/cruise

I'd give my right leg to go on this.
MUST.
FIND.
A.
WAY.
ONBOARD.

I weigh 123 pounds.

ONE HUNDRED, TWENTY THREE.

Do you know what this means?

I've officially lost 20 pounds.

Criticism.

Criticism.

How do you deal with it?

It seems that this week was full of, "Geez, how much weight ARE YOU going to lose?" and "Are you trying to disappear off the planet?" and "Go eat a sandwich" and other comments suggesting I am too thin, or not loosing weight in a healthy way.

Lets get this straight. I'm not TRYING to "lose weight". I'm not ON a "diet".

THIS IS A LIFESTYLE, PEOPLE.

Yes, I watch what I eat. This is my choice. Don't get on my case if I prefer not to eat chocolate cake anymore. (Hell. I ate Dove chocolate today, in fact. I'm not starving myself!)

Yes, I workout 6 days a week. This is for my health. And as I tone up, of course I'm getting smaller and gradually weighing less.

I just don't understand why other people don't understand me. Is it a sin that all of a sudden I want to do something good for myself?

I guess you're going to get the good comments, along with the negative ones.

Or, perhaps, do I just smell jealousy? ;) How about YOU go eat a sandwich and shut your face?

"Cheat Days"

Cheat Days.

What do we think of them?

I personally, think that a cheat day every so often is good to a dieters health. I know how it can be to want something so bad, but telling yourself you CAN'T have it makes the want worse. It becomes more of a "need" and that can end in over-indulgence and binge eating.

I'm proud to say that my last cheat day was over 2 and a half months ago. Yeah. I've been on track for THAT long. It amazed me, too.

Well. Until last night, that is...

Yesterday I held my housewarming party. It was a joint party with my neighbor/landlady/co-worker. We are both on a weight loss adventure (myself loosing around 18 pounds, her 45) so we made pretty healthy food (I made a veggie tray, a fruit salad & fat free brownies) But like at most parties, guests will bring something along with them as well.

We had a "spanish" theme, so there was a lot of sangria, and porron drinking happening. I have learned that I become an endless PIT when I consume alcohol.

I don't remember everything I ate. I know it was a lot. I DEFINITELY don't want to know the calorie intake of yesterday, haha! I know I went to bed drunk, and happy, and very, very full.

But am I kicking myself this morning? Nope. Maybe a little, because I have a massive hangover and wish I didn't drink as much sangria as I did, but I am still happy. Today is a new day to start over. And I know one night of splurging isn't going to make me gain 15 pounds back overnight.

All in all, I think I ate enough food yesterday to keep any "cheating" at bay for awhile. I may never want to see mixed nuts again, though...oye.

Adorable.

Oh, how I relate to these.

Shakeology review.

I've been wanting to try Shakeology now for awhile. I kept seeing everyone's great reviews of it, and the results seemed promising. The only thing holdng me back was the price. Uh, 3 digits? For a SHAKE?

I calcualted it out, and after taxes & shipping and such, its only a little over $4 a day. So basically, its like buying a Jamba Juice daily for a month. Just, a much better for you Jamba Juice.

I got quite a bit money back from my tax return, so I figured, why the hell not and splurge a little while I have extra money?

I got the package in the mail yesterday evening. On my lunch break today, I had my first taste. I ordered the chocolate flavored, and on my first sip I thought, "Eh. Tastes like every other protein powder I've had." Within a few more sips though, it just got better and BETTER. I wanted the glass to be never ending. It is SO GOOD and filling. I had trouble finishing the shake and the yogurt with blueberries & strawberries I was eating along with it.

So, so far so good. (so, SO good! *drool*) We will see what this does for me for the rest of the month. I know at least ONE meal I'm having for the next 29 days! Mmmm.

Motivation to myself, and for others.

My results having been sky-rocketing these past few weeks, its mind boggling. I am down to a size FOUR. A fucking FOUR!

I posted on my facebook status that I've gone from a 9 to a 4 since October, and a had a lot of comments on it. Some were like, "No! You were skinny to begin with!" Others wanted to know what I was doing. Others talked about their Beach Body products/experiences.

Hmmm. But it seems that I have motivated a lot of people this time around. THREE friends told me they bought Slim in 6 today. Do I get commission for this?! Hahaha...I've been preaching SI6 everywhere I go. Its about time people start to listen to me and get with the program. I've been saying since week one, and that first 1.5 inches lost, that it works. I better get tons of hugs & thanks when my peeps start looking hot. ;)

I am starting a Debbie Siebers army! 3 friends down...many more to go!

A Case Of Low-Self Esteem

I have a case of fat head.

What is fat head, you ask? Its how you see yourself, even after loosing a lot of weight, as well, fat.

I KNOW that I am a lot smaller. Hell, I bought a pair of size FIVE jeans yesterday. This is the smallest I've ever been. But it seems that I get adjusted to my new weight and size, and still see myself as the same as when I was a size 9/11. (I should mention I had a pair of my size 11 skinny jeans on yesterday, without a belt, and I spent a few hours walking around hiking the heck out of them. I probably looked like i was doing some sort of crazy person dance.)

So, even after all this, I think of myself as fat? Which is totally stupid and lame. So stupid and lame, i was looking at diet pills. yeah, uh, WHAT? no. i have never believed in diet pills. i think they are a scam and a waste of money. fat head, get out of the diet aisle, please.

gah. i have good weeks, and bad weeks. This seems to be a bad day.

Woah, baby! (Said in Michelle Tanner voice)

Let's put the fact out there right now: I tend to have a major potty mouth. With that said...

HOLY SHIT!

A few weeks ago, I did the unthinkable & returned my scale to Target, because I felt like I was too obsessed with it. Currently, the only time I weigh myself is when I go over to my mom's house. I haven't been there in about 2 weeks, so it'd been awhile since my last weigh in.

Um, I'm down to 126?! When I graduated highschool I was 127 and a size 9. Being a size 5 at 126 is mind freaking' blowing! I always said I wanted to get back down to my "graduation weight".
Wellll buddy. I've gotten there AND I've dropped 2 pant sizes. I have reached my goal, and then some.

I was feeling really "fat" (lame!) today & this just helps me feel a little less icky. I know the number on the scale means nothing, rather the inches lost & how my clothes fit do, but it really does help boost my confidence. Something about that little needle pointing to a smaller number really triggers something in my brain that says, "YES! VICTORY!"

With this, I am only ONE POUND away from my original weight goal of 125. Seeing myself at this point, I may change that goal to 120, to push myself to go a little further. But, we'll see. It may take a helluva lot to lose that last pound, ha! :)

Well, hello.

On Tuesday, October 13, 2009, I made a decision that changed the rest of my life. I started a Beachbody & Debbie Siebers workout, called Slim in 6.

I wasn't overweight to begin with. I didn't need to "loose" any pounds. I just wanted to get in shape, to tone up a bit, to look good for a cruise I was going on in January.

It is now March 2010. The past 5 months have changed the way I look at food, and exercise. It is a choice to shove either a veggie burger or a Big Mac into your mouth; a protein bar or a Snickers bar. Whether or not to do your body a favor and exercise, or sit on the couch and just WATCH others sweat it out.

Since October, I have lost 15 pounds. I have gone from a size 9/11, to a 5/7. I have changed in ways that I didn't even think was possible. I've become a completely new person.

Starting this Sunday, I will begin a new chapter in my adventure - Tony Horton's p90. I'm quite excited. I did it for about a month back in December before going falling back into SI6, because I felt like I need to be more "slim" before I started bulking up. I'm ready for the bulking! Gimmie some guns!

Bring It.