Frustrated.

The scale and I have been had an on again/off again relationship for a long time.

For years, he taunted and made fun of me. He made me cry. Sometimes, he made me the happiest girl alive. Finally, I thought to myself: do you really need this jerk in your life?

So for about 8 months, I was strong and didn't even flirt with the scale. Then, I caved, missed Mr. Scale, and took him back.

This past month has been another battle. Up and down, up and down, up and down the numbers have gone. AND THE NUMBERS SHOULDN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE! I am at almost my lowest weight that I've ever been at in my adult life, and I should just be proud of myself. But no, I subject myself to feeling like a "failure" every week by weighing myself.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

I know the reasons for this too. I've been lacking severely bad at drinking water lately. I've been a coffee addict. This, my friends, is no good at ALL.

Second, I've been gaining a ton of muscle. I can feel it in my arms and legs. I can see the definition changing every week. Muscle weighs more than fat. So, of course the scale is going to show a larger number! Duh.

But, despite knowing what I need to do, I don't. Sigh. I think I need to break up with the scale again. He's no good to me.

How do you really EVER get over being an overweight child? Is this going to haunt me for the rest of my life? Can't I ever be HAPPY with myself?